Comments Policy

 

We hope you have a fun and informative time on Instabamm, so please read the comments policy. We want everyone to feel welcome and at home, and posting comments is highly encouraged. We are ALL about free speech, but it must be within the context of the page. Nothing much offends us, but others get offended, and as a consequence, we do have some rules…

Our numero uno, top of the pops rule is – DON’T BE A WANKER.

If you DO decide to be a wanker, and post stuff up we don’t like, here are some possibilities…

  1. You will be brutally shredded by people/journalists who’ve honed their craft arguing on internet forums – and who will eat your soul like a hungry fat man eats a pie.
  2. You will be banned.
  3. We will make you listen to Coldplay at gunpoint. 
  4. We will come to your house and steal your bike.
  5. We will decide we don’t like you very much, and probably call you a c#nt (this is perfectly acceptable behavior in Australia).

Want to be the kind of commenter we’d love to bring home to Nanna’s house for a Sunday Roast? Here’s what we like to see in comments…

  • Weigh in with smart, informed ideas that contribute further to the story.

  • Give us useful, constructive criticism. Spot a typo or an error? Let us know and we will correct it.

  • Demonstrate and share the intelligence, wisdom, and humor we hope you possess.

  • Don’t feed the trolls. You wouldn’t dive into a debate with our semi-retarded, ill-informed, weird Uncle Barry just for shits and giggles. It’d be like arguing with a really dumb emu. And you definitely wouldn’t give the silly bastard any of your chips. Downvote or flag comments instead.

Although we can’t be everywhere at once, here are some of the kinds of comments we’re going to do our best to curtail…

  • Promoting your own brand, product, or blog. So you’ve got a new lotion that will make your penis larger. Great. Send it through HERE and we might help you out – or maybe even use it? (Not that we need to, of course).

  • Impersonating authors or other commenters. We can’t believe we have to say this, but: Don’t do that. It’s weird. Also, stay away from children if this is your thing. You need help man.

  • Comments that make it clear you didn’t read the article. Enraged that we didn’t mention X in a story about Y? Slow down, and downgrade your intake of blue meth. If you’d made it past paragraph two, you’d see a very well thought-out discussion of that X you hold so dear.

  • Comments that are completely out of left-field. Sometimes discussions veer off a bit, but are still related to the original subject. That is fine. Hijacking the conversation to promote off-topic commentary is not. No one here wants to know about your sex change, or how the donkeys in eastern Borneo are oppressed by the regime.

  • Threats — no matter how vague — against the author or other commenters. Things can get heated. Before you casually mention your foe’s home address, or paste their Facebook image up, think of your fellow man – forgive and forget – and give each other a virtual bro-hug.

  • Racism, pushing an SJW agenda, discrimination – you get the drift. Call me Mr buzz-kill, fine, but don’t say we didn’t warn you when you get snapped. **And by snapped, we mean banned or deleted – or word-smacked upside your head. Realism is king here, and manners are the king’s hand.

  • Trolling. If you have the horn for Hillary, or want to make love to your partner in a Donald Trump mask, and you need to constantly voice this, or you are just out for a good trolling and are not contributing meaningfully to the conversation, we’ll be kicking you back under your bridge, or not voting for you in the next election.

So have a good time, ok? Be nice and enjoy our new site. Curb your inner-wanker, ok? See you out there!

Instabamm